My sadness needs a catalyst [entries|friends|calendar] Nikki kanikki [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Fix you [22 Jun 2005|04:23am] When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you When high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And I... Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And I... Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Let me catch a cold?

[18 Jun 2005|04:04am] HEY ALVARO THANKS FOR MAKING ME LAUGH LAST NIGHT. 4 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

[16 Jun 2005|05:59pm] I'm simply just DONE. No more of this stupid heartbreak shit. Not for anyone. I'm out. 3 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

Okay. [16 Jun 2005|12:55am] [ mood | sick ] I'm standing there, then someone comes with a sharp ass knife that is orange-red because it's been heated over an open fire. They stab my chest multiple times. Just again and again. Savegely stabbing my chest. But that's not the end. Then after there's a huge gaping hole in my chest, they reach their filthy hands on it andrip out my mangled heart. Rip it out so fast I almost didn't feel it, then I lost my breath. What do they do with my heart? They throw it to the ground and spit on it. It's still not the end. Then they furiously step on it, with such vigor that you'd think they were gonna combust. Then just as suddenly as they came, they're gone. I'm somehow still lying there with my heart ripped out and stomped on. I'm still breathing. That's what I feel like now. Yea. This bitch is admitting it. AND WHY THE FUCK DO I EVEN FEEL LIKE THIS?! I don't want to because it's no fucking good. I want to be completely happy again. Jesus fucking Christ, I'm a mess. Never a-fuking-gain. Never. I think I'll cry myself to sleep tonight. Let me catch a cold?

[14 Jun 2005|05:16pm] I spent hours crying last night and I knew about what, but no why. Now I know why. I had a bad vibe. Now I know why. Let me catch a cold?

Wanna get slapped by a real nigga?! [11 Jun 2005|10:31pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | BRIGHT EYEEEES ] Me? I'm a happy girl. I'd probably make a happier boy. But that's okay, I work with what I have. I like to sleep, cook, bake and sew; sometimes, I'll even clean up a bit. I love my cat GEMINI. He's the cutest thing, don't forget! He'll bite yer balls off though, so don't mess with him. I'm so strange sometimes it scares me.  A lot of the time I'm too inebriated to function correctly, but somehow, I make it home okay. I wrote a sonnet about a boy one day. This was about 5 weeks ago. You see, this boy, he made (MAKES) me smile. Really big smiles, alot like my picture. I wish I had a picture for every time he made me smile, because, well, I could wallpaper my room in my smiles. Anyyyyway, this boy, he's special. And everyone else may not think so, but I do. And I honestly don't know why. I wish I had the sonnet now, but I think I lost it when my computer crashed. Sometimes, the sonnet would make me smile. Sometimes it would make me cry. But it was a pretty and heartfelt sonnet. It was perfectly queer. Kinda like me. But back to the boy, once again. Once we saw something, then I saw something after that. And that was the last time I saw that. I hope I see it again, not the first, but the second thing. When I turn the music or radio up, I hear a song. Probably a good song. And then I think of his songs. And all I do is think think think blah blah fucking blah. Because sometimes, that's what it feels like. Then I do some things and I'm not there for a couple of hours. I repeat this cycle for a while until we run out or I decide not to. I decided not to today. And I might not on Sunday, just because I can. I know it wouldn't make him happy, not in the least; but for now, this is making ME happy. It's rainy nasty buckets now. I hope he drives home alright tonight. I hope he's dry and warm right about now. I hope he doesn't catch a cold. I hope he smiled today, and I also hope, as much as I don't think he did, I hope he thought about me today. I think I'll say a prayer tonight, a prayer for him. So if he didn't smile today, he could smile tomorrow. Goodnight, goodnight.   <3Nikki Let me catch a cold?

[31 May 2005|01:20am] I don't know. But wow, high. Yea. So, summer is off to a great start. Acey's off to New Jersey to live with her dad for a year. Hopefully shit goes well for her over there. :) Hmmm. 2 more days and I'm done. Working out with David is fun. :) Laying with him is fun. This boy is aweeeesome. W T F MATE? :-p Yea, I want some strawberries, some sugar and whipped cream. Quickly, I say! I can't wait to finish my top so I can start with the other one using this fabric. EEEP!!! I got a kitten! Her name is Cassandra Gemini and she's deeeee cutest little ratmutt everrrrrr! Yessssh she is! sdfkhsdljgbklgbkdfj :) I took photos at ALex's house, gotta wait till she sends them to see if any actually came out okay. Sometimes, I'm too stupid to function correctly. Wait, wait...Yeaaah, I don't function correctly most of the time, anyway. Throw that out the window. I enjoy that new Frankie J song - How To deal. Catchy piece of junle turd. I think I'm done. 3 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

[29 May 2005|10:00am] Toooday. :) Acey's got to bust a mission, but she's got the bud and it ain't gonna be the same without her soooooo we have to be ultra creative and help her get out and omggg this is going to be akofhsadkjghaslkdghakfjghkjf. Andddd, uh, I like falling asleep next to some drunk Fag-Jew-Berliner named David. Let me catch a cold?

[28 May 2005|11:03pm] [ mood | optimistic ] [ music | I wWyne - Living in Love ] I am beyond ready for summer ( Too ready... :) ) 1 Will be my winter coat| Let me catch a cold?

[26 May 2005|09:02pm] [ mood | productive ] [ music | Sam Cooke - Another Rainy Night In Georgia ] Alex Virginia Beach 2005 Smoking Jamaica We jammin' Chillin' 2 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

[21 May 2005|10:29pm] It's so weird, I don't give a fuck if it's here or not. It feels great either way. I don't make sense. But somehow, that's okay. 2 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

[21 May 2005|06:26pm] It echoes in my brain I didn't mean it pulses through my veins I didn't mean it I'm the one to blame I didn't mean it did too much cocaine I didn't mean it. Slackerbitch, faghag, whore looks real cute, her lips are sore slackerbitch, faghag, whore always comes back for more Your memory will fade I didn't mean it you've always had it made I didn't mean it I know you feel betrayed I didn't mean it I just wanted to get laid I didn't mean it Slackerbitch, faghag, whore looks real cute, her lips are sore slackerbitch, faghag, whore always knocking on my door You come across impure I didn't mean it you're goddamn immature I didn't mean it you act so insecure I didn't mean it you hate me now I'm sure I didn't mean it Slackerbitch, faghag, whore looks real cute, her lips are sore slackerbitch, faghag, whore dripping sex from every pore slackerbitch, faghag, whore looks real cute, her lips are sore slackerbitch, faghag, whore such a motherfucking bore. 1 Will be my winter coat| Let me catch a cold?

[18 May 2005|11:08pm] [ mood | creative ] This is completely an entry to kill time. if you don't like the size of my entry... FUCKING SUCK IT, DELETE ME FROM YOUR FRIENDS, LEAVE ME 124918741 COMMENTS SAYING HOW I SUCK AT LIFE AND THEN GO DIE DIE FUCKING DIE :) . . . We all lie so well . . . Really, what I'm trying to say is Doctor doctor, do you have a remedy ! ? I wanna shank someone, and I want a bright pink dildo to go around hitting people on the head with it. I mean, can you IMAGINE the hilariosity of that situation?! If you don't, please check for a pulse; You may not be alive. SOOOOO! Key West, 2 days, aLex, drugged up Dino, fun? Bet yer bottom dollar on it. :) I love this picture. :) RAPH! ACE McDouche face ( Okay, this is getting kinda long, continue? You know you want to, nosey fucktart. ) 4 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

Bored. [17 May 2005|09:28pm] Um, old pictures from my trip to Europe. 6 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

[12 May 2005|11:57pm] [ music | PGMG - Speakers Push the Air ] EEEE! David left from ITT early to come take me to dinner at Chillis. He's such a sweetheart. ^_^ He came while I was getting dressed so he had to wait a while adn talk to my mom and little brother about Guinea Pigs and ferrets. Lol. I had never been to Chillis before so he told me he'd order the BEST dessert I'd ever had. OMG! So. Damn. Good. It was a brownie with chocolate fudge and an icecream ball on top and caramel around the sides. Omg, I almost explodeeed. You all will not believe HOW GOOD IT WAS. OH man, he bought me that corset I was looking at on Ebay He bid on it when it was 8 dollars but then they out bid him and it went up to 25 and I'm like, "Nah, don't buy it, it's too expensive now." And he goes and buys it in the last 20 seconds. Haha. But I feel guilty. >.< It's such a pretty corset top, though. And looooooky here, it's me an Alex all dolled up! Hehe 6 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

[09 May 2005|03:44pm] Got caught. Whatever. My mom once AGAIN thinks I'm a slut. You know what, I'm not even gonna deny it. SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT I don't give a fuck right now because I know what I want and the way I want it and I'm not gonna get it and that's why it doesn't fucking matter at this point. I might as well fall off the face of the earth becasue it;s just about the same as what's going on. On another note, I feel terrible saying this. I miss him. And I shouldn't because it does me no good. But I do. 4 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

[09 May 2005|12:07am] DAy # 3 of sneaking out. David, Acey and Bob. Fun fun. Let me catch a cold?

[06 May 2005|09:59pm] Hahaha, we did coke today. Lol, me, Acey, Bob and Gabriel had. I just decided to pass by Alex's and bam! They were there fuckin doing lines and I'm like straiiight. weooooooo. :-) lololololol harhar 3 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

[05 May 2005|07:26pm] The only thing that can make me feel better, I can't have. 1 Will be my winter coat| Let me catch a cold?

[03 May 2005|11:34am] tssadtg sdgjadlskgjaldfkjgldfnetvoajbvadfj;gn;kljebnkejgaosdtjagldfjdbniutabio;eatvfdgklbjz;doifjgzzdfuilgbzzndo; ziet;eitu;aioernt;ioereo;i;orituo;ieru tb;oieru;owtui;oui'W4B'WERTBUROVN;AOEIRUTVBAIO;WERUTVN;ioweruoVUNIOESURBIO;ERUT;OIwersutnb;aOWIEUTBN;OTUBN;AOEIRUTGNAVBO;ISDRTBUAEO;IRUABN;ZDGOZDRJ;NTGU;ODZFIBOSEIRUBN;eiouTG;skeuirio:eu:OEWITER;JYHNO;ISRMNGREOPAEIHY0589R7VB6V1P-3N6VTU314P58-92382bqw72340sdblitjaavno;itfguasoiwfn;9er7;2349BIOWEHN;V;57Q;ie34U[B'QEVBUQWRIOweibnp3457b49;568bn[webrbqweiruweiogvdvb;dfipgeriuujhrtfgasbbjkdobjkrfghioprho34bjkfby8923tgb890yrbjklb079djio[fetfguh94jio gjiot4oegjion njrvjiopfjhirgeuh3y89dbtc u89vy89t54jngeu890iojrtjhiojhegjko;jhrgjk;kjljkl;jklfgjlkjkl;jkl;ljkfgjkl;jklfgjkljkljkljklfgjkl;jkl;gfjkl;jkl;djkljkldfjkljkl;dgjkljkl;;jklfgjkl;jkl;gjkl;jkl;dfkl;jjkl;djkl;jkldfegu894u89rgbjk54yi90u56nklegh[-0q568gvb[3tjmauibh5683b[4563[j349034jh900349apb080 Remember that. :) ♥Nikki 2 Will be my winter coats| Let me catch a cold?

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